COMPASSION IS AN ACTION WORD 08.14.18

I recently wrote some instruction for juvenile offenders. These units of instruction were created to boost learners’ social-emotional skills in preparation for their re-entry into society upon release. I administered a short assessment to see what social emotional skills they, themselves, thought they had or that they needed some help with.

Learners were questioned about how effective they thought they were at using 20 specific interpersonal skills the organization I was working with deemed most important for successful transition into society. The learners were asked to rate each skill as “never good”, “sometimes good”, and “always good”. In short, five skills out of 20 were rated “sometimes good” and “never good” by at least 60 percent of the respondents. I focused my instruction on two of these five skills: Understanding the feelings of others and asking permission.

Who’s surprised by this?

I know, I shouldn’t be surprised at the skills they needed. After all, these offenders were incarcerated primarily for harming others (not understanding the feelings of others) and stealing property (not asking for permission). While writing my analysis for this project, I stated, “I wish there was a little more empathy in this world.”

Empathy versus Compassion

As I sit here at my desk composing this post, I think the solution is not empathy, but compassion. Empathy is a feeling, an emotion. So, you hear of someone’s situation (usually an emotional situation, at that), and you begin to think about how they may be feeling in their situation. It tugs on your heart strings, and you may be almost feeling what they feel, but you don’t do anything to change their situation.

Compassion on the other hand is an action word. While you may be feeling empathetic for your friend who has shared their painful situation, and feeling what they feel, you also feel the urge to help ease their pain. You want to act and do something to lighten your friends load.

Five ways to be compassionate

If someone has not witnessed compassionate behavior, or has not learned how to act with compassion, it may be easier to be compassionate with some examples. Here are five ways you can take action to lighten someone’s burdens.

Be affectionate. Talking to your friend who is experiencing some difficulties and offering a warm smile can help.

Be selfless. When someone you encounter is challenged with life’s experiences, focus on them. Make eye contact and show them you are actively listening to what they are expressing.

Communicate with warmth. Reassure them with encouraging words.

Be considerate. Put down your phone and offer your friend your full attention.

Speak with meaning. Tell them you love them. Share with them that you care that their burdens are not so heavy. Reassure them that you want to help make their life easier.

It can be difficult for many people to understand what emotions they are feeling. Rather than in the heat of the moment having to determine what’s moving you, it may be just easier to remember how to act.

Compassion is an action word.